Holy Cow
by Thor's Spirit Wolf
Summary: Anakin, Ahsoka, and members of Torrent Company soon gain a pack of cows. After giving up said cows, Yoda has an April Fools plan to cheer everyone up.
1. Chapter 1

**All that I'm gonna say is don't ask, because you don't want to know.**

* * *

Anakin regretted taking on this assignment.

A droid factory in Geonosis was reactivated, and when the Council needed someone to go and investigate, a cabin fevered Anakin gladly volunteered, forgetting that his troopers actually did things in their free time.

His regret had manifested into the physical form of a headache. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he turned back to look at his troopers.

When they boarded the Twilight he hadn't expected what he got. What he got was a drunk Jesse and Fives.

"Echo, do you know what they're saying?" Anakin asked, turning towards his thankfully sober soldiers.

"Sir, they're not speaking in another language. Apparently they're speaking in Indian accents." Echo said.

Rex scrunched up his face. "What the hell is an Indian accent?"

"It's like people from Coruscant versus people from Corellia speaking in basic. Their voices sound different."

Ahsoka also looked up. "So what's India?"

Anakin looked at the information on the screen in front of him. "Looks like some city or something on a planet called Earth."

A frustrated Kix walked out of the room they had trapped Fives and Jesse in. "And what the hell is Earth? Why haven't I heard of it before?"

"It's in a galaxy far far away." Anakin waved his hand dismissively.

Everyone stopped talking as Jesse and Fives' drunken Indian accented voices decided to say more words.

"Echo, translate!"

Echo sighed. "We told you sir, they're not speaking another language."

"They're… talking about finding the missing cows on Geonosis." Kix said.

"Look, we're landing soon, and I don't want them doing something stupid. Hardcase, keep an eye on them. When we get back we'll talk about the whole Geonosisian separatist cow thing."

Hardcase nodded. "Roger roger." Rex growled.

Had Hardcase not been wearing his helmet, maybe Anakin would've seen the mischievous glint in the hyperactive Clone's eyes.

* * *

Hardcase grinned as Fives and Jesse walked out of the room.

Jesse smirked. "If only they checked to see if we were actually drunk."

Gathering their weapons and putting on their helmets, they were off.

While Skywalker searches Geonosis for the droid factory, they have their own search. After all, Geonosis was hiding the missing cows.

* * *

As Anakin and Ahsoka approached the droid factory, they stopped.

"Master, did you feel that?" Anakin nodded.

Rex looked confused. "Sir, feel what?"

"A disturbance in the force."

Kix called Hardcase, hoping to warn him about what could be impending danger. He growled, frustrated when he got no response.

"He won't answer. Let's head back. If he found danger, so did our ship."

* * *

Jesse couldn't deny that he was surprised when Fives managed to make a very convincing moo.

One that apparently told the cows where to go, because here they were, in the old arena where Jango Fett died, with a whole flock of cows wanting a place to live.

"So… we take them back, right?" Hardcase asked. Fives nodded, and with a moo, the cows were following them back to their ship.

Jesse cleared his throat. "So, you speak cow?"

Fives smirked. "Yeah, took some classes at Kamino college."

Hardcase and Jesse laughed, the latter slapping Fives' shoulder. Hardcase patted his head, and then they were off, taking the missing cows back to the ship and hopefully to a good home.

* * *

"Did Hardcase not answer? Did he turn off his communicator, what's going on." Rex asked.

Kix growled. "He kriffing turned it off. So did Jesse and Fives."

Soon enough, they got back to the ship. Walking in, Anakin really regretted taking this mission.

"Hey guys!" Hardcase waved, then fell as the cow he was propped against walked away.

"Fives! What did Snuckel say?!" Jesse asked from what Anakin assumed was somewhere behind Hardcase.

"He said the general needs some milk!"

Anakin pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to release all of his rage into the force. However, it's hard to not keep all of it when the only one who isn't laughing is Kix.

"What. In the actual Kriff. Did you do?!"

Jesse and Hardcase looked sheepish. Fives mooed to the cows. Soon enough, they were distracted by the cows again.

"That meant hold on right?" Hardcase asked. Fives smiled.

"Yes. Soon enough we'll be the only clones to speak cow!"

Ahsoka's, Echo's and Rex's eyes lit up.

"Teach us please!"

Fives looked at Hardcase and Jesse before giving them an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Cows before bros."

They looked disappointed, with Echo giving his batchmate a glare that didn't hold much venom in it. "I'll remember this Fives."

Jesse patted his shoulder. "Come on. Let it be a family thing."

Fives nodded. "Tomorrow morning will be your first lesson. For now, we need to head back. Snuckel and his family need a nice home."

Kix and Anakin sighed, resigned to their fate. "Fine. But we're learning as well Fives." Kix stated. Fives nodded, smiling at his brother.

"Wait, so you weren't drunk?" Ahsoka asked.

Jesse shook his head and smirked. "Nope."

Anakin yet again pinched his nose. "The council won't take this well."

* * *

Obi-Wan was biting his lip so hard he was surprised it wasn't bleeding.

The situation was ridiculous and yet so Anakin that he had to try so hard not to lose it and die by laughing too hard in front of the council.

That would be embarrassing. But not as embarrassed as Anakin felt.

Mace Windu shook his head, wondering if he heard that right.

"So… Fives speaks cow, and will teach you and your troopers how to speak cow. And the cows' leader, who apparently wants to marry Fives but Rex won't let it-"

"His name is Snuckel! And he was joking!" Fives yelled as Rex pulled him into a side hug. Jesse wolf whistled before Ahsoka slapped him.

"And they want a safe place to stay. On Coruscant. So they can continue to see you."

Anakin nodded. "I know it sounds crazy, but the troopers like them. And better them here than on Geonosis, or with the separatists."

Yoda raised his hand, looking ready to reject the idea, but stopped.

The clones had their hands on their blasters, and had all taken a defensive position, guarding the cows who also looked ready to attack.

He wondered if Anakin or Ahsoka realized that they had their hands on their lightsabers.

Plo Koon, Obi-Wan, and Aayla Secura all started laughing. Kit Fisto and Luminara Unduli soon joined in. Even Mace Windu was chuckling.

Yoda sighed, letting out a chuckle of his own as he accepted his fate.

"Fine. Stay, the cows will. But take care of them, you must."

The room erupted in cheers and applause, from the 501st, from the council, and from the cows.


	2. Chapter 2

Yoda sat in his chair, looking at all of the Generals he had gathered in front of him.

"Devastated, the clones are, about the loss of their cows. Cheer them up, we must."

Anakin nodded. While he personally didn't care, Ahsoka and his men haven't been themselves.

"Master Yoda, what do you propose?" Obi-Wan asked, since this had affected his men as well.

The entire Grand Army of the Republic had really grown attached to these cows.

"Cowboys, we will become." Yoda smiled.

He pulled out a cowboy hat, colored the same pinkish-red that the Coruscant Guard's armor was painted.

He tossed Aayla Secura a light yellow hat. "Wear this, you must."

She reluctantly put it on, finding it was designed for Twi'leks. She smiled, glad it was comfortable.

He tossed Mace Windu a rusty orange colored had, and Mace put it on, still clueless about the troll's plan.

"Watch these tonight, you must. Practice these accents, you will." He said.

He gave Luminara a dark green one, and she smiled. While she'd rather not wear it, Barriss, as with Ahsoka, was also upset about the ordeal.

Yoda passed Anakin a cerulean colored hat, and Anakin put it on while he looked at the videos Yoda downloaded to his data pad.

"Master, what happens if my Padawan finds out?" He asked.

"In the library, you may study. Inform Jocasta Nu, I will."

Anakin and Luminara nodded. He tossed Kit Fisto a like green one, Obi-Wan a golden yellow one, and Plo a grey one.

"Cowboys, we will become."

* * *

The next day, the 104th were given the day off. So Plo, Yoda, the Wolfpack, and the Guard were going around Coruscant, enjoying the day.

"Sir, do we have a plan for lunch?" Wolffe asked.

Plo nodded. "I reckon we try the saloon."

Wolffe and Fox exchanged a look. Yoda nodded.

"Good drinks, they have. Try them, we will."

Both clones looked disturbed, having never seen this side of their generals, and not knowing what to make of the sudden change.

They did, however, enjoy drinks at the Western themed bar, and did have a good time.

* * *

The 501st and 212th were sent to Naboo with senator Amidala, where they were attempting to create a peace treaty for two worlds that constantly fought.

However, the senators of the worlds were getting annoyed, because whenever Obi-Wan or Anakin spoke, they spoke as if they were cowboys.

Rex and Cody were also annoyed, because whenever either of the generals spoke, their men would burst out laughing.

"If this is all about resources, why don't you trade what you have?" Anakin asked, accent thick.

Obi-Wan nodded, then fixed his hat. "You can trade oil for hyper fuel, certain foods for certain foods, whatever else you're fighting over. You don't need to fight each other."

The leaders looked like they were ready to shoot them, so Padmé interrupted.

"What they're trying to say is, why not call a truce, and work on an arrangement where you trade resources, and can both benefit?"

The leaders nodded, thankful that someone was actually taking the negotiations seriously.

However, the peaceful atmosphere evaporated when Anakin came back from his men.

"Hardcase wanted to know if any of you guys are thirsty, he's offering to go get drinks. He needs some milk."

Every single clone erupted in laughter, Anakin's accent adding to the joke and making it that much funnier to them.

* * *

Every clone had the pleasure of having a cowboy as their General, and while they were confused, they were glad for the distraction from the loss of their cows.

Soon enough, the cows were forgotten, which ended up being a good thing since soon enough they became beef at Dex's Diner, owned by Dexter Jettster.

The day after April Fools, the generals were back to normal, and made a public announcement about how it was April Fools, that they did it for the men, and they apologize to anyone who was affected by their prank.

All was as it should be, and the incident was never mentioned again.

* * *

**Was gonna do a chapter about them taking care of cows, didn't like how it turned out**


End file.
